he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
