he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
