All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
