at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
