Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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