Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
