you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
