i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
