Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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