i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
