well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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