corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
