Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
