everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize