If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
