I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
