Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
