I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
