so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize