It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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