Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
