a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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