people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
