but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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