I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
