I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
