About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
