Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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