Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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