He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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