I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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