I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
