Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
