Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
