I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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