Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
