I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
