With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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