i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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