the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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