Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
she was so not down for the gang bang
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
