I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
