Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
