So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
