if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
