I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
