How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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