I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
