i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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