My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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