it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
