I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
