I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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