tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
