Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
