I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
