i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
