Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
