i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
