we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
