He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
