Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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