I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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