We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
