Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
