I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
