I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
