My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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