im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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