This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
