The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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