I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
