You surviving the open bar?
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I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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