i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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