she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
