margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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